at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
