I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
