I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
