Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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