You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
