No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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