Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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