Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
