Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
