I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
