xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
