he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
