ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
