So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
