Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
