We won't sleep together?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
