I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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