I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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