So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
