were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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