Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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