The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
