he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
