I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
