you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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