hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
