Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
