Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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