I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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