sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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