my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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