that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
