I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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