found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
