the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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