Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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