Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
