He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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