When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize