I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
