i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
