i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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