Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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