Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
