I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
