you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
