I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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