I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
