Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
