You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
