so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
