This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
