He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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