ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
