I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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