fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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