I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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