I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
