She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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