when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cut my penus on the lid.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
