There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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