I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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