you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
