Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bring me that man meat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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