She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
