I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
