$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize