He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
