The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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