I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize