don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
