how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
