Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Alive.
So much puke
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
