3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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