if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want nice things and good sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
